Past Quarter Life Crisis

Hi, long time, no update! Well, things have been… interesting, to say the least. In early August, my grandmother passed away from complications of a car accident she endured ten years ago. We weren’t close, but I adored her just the same, and she still is a big inspiration to me as an artist.

Also, health wise I have been slightly downhill. I have had gallbladder issues for the past few years- it’s somewhat genetic, my late grandmother had to have hers removed, as well as my aunts, and most recently, my mother. Now, this doesn’t take away the issue that my diet isn’t perfect. The majority of the time, I do try to eat well, but unfortunately I do binge eat, especially when I’m stressed. It all caught up to me, and I’ve physically suffered as a result. It has reached a point that I have to have mine removed as well. As a relatively healthy 26 year old, I’m wondering, ‘Am I taking what life is offering me at its greatest potential, or am I throwing it away carelessly?’ I’m sort of leaning towards the latter, because I shouldn’t be having these thoughts- I should be comfortable at this point in my life, and I’m assuming I’m not!

My grandmother’s death has really affected me mentally. I’m by no means troubled, but now I feel like I’m not living my life the way I should be. I should be grateful I’m alive with relatively insignificant vices, and I’m still young that I can still turn it around. I have more to offer than just being stuck as a permanent college student (seriously, I could’ve had my doctorate by now!) and I feel less like an artist and more like a structured robot being programmed.

While I’m thankful of everything I’ve learned in my classes this semester, I think right now my place right now isn’t in the classroom. I need to focus less on my academics and more on me. I want to feel better physically, mentally, emotionally, and gain back my passion as an artist. It definitely can be seen as a selfish move on my part, as the poor state of the economy doesn’t allow me to fully pursue this, but why live life running on empty?

If you’ve read all of this, I’m sorry! I really just wanted to let out what has been on my mind lately. I keep saying I’ll try to keep this blog updated, but I do mean it this time. I want to record my progress in life, to at least leave an imprint in this hectic world.


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